oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
