I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Randomize