Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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