And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
