It's Friday. Sex?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
