i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
