It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Randomize
