i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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