my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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