I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
