May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize