You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
