Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
