I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
The best revenge is premature balding
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
