Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Randomize
