it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
