What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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