Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
