i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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