if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
wow bdsm is so cute
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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