Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
