I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
