Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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