yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
