What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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