I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
