dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Randomize
