i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
