I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
