I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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