Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
