I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
