This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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