What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
