whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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