i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
