dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
