I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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