I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
