we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize