Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
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