I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
