so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
