turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
is this the sara with the beer cane?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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