even my farts smell like vagina
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
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