Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Randomize