How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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