why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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