I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
