I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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