what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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