Michael Bay diarrhea
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
