one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
