You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
i out mim tonsoeep
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