I cannot find my penis.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Randomize