well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
