So drunk its hurt
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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