Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
