is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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