I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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