I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
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