I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
