I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
