I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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