I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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