Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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