Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
pray to the hookup gods
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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