T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
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