And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
