dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
