After last night, I could never be a politician.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Randomize
