i think my tv is drunk
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
