i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
