you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
